Those are the words I was told yesterday, by those caring for H, after my world was torn apart.
I want to believe those words, I want to cling to them – i want to find some sort of comfort in them, but honestly I don’t. I can’t explain the devastation that i feel right now, the hurt, the disgust. I’ve barely slept, and when I do sleep it appears my mind seems to go all over the place. I don’t honestly understand how we have got to this point.
The last 24 hours have been awful. I have had to ask questions that nobody wants to ask. I have had to put on a brave ‘normal’ face for H’s siblings, whilst trying to navigate things in my mind. We are supposed to be heading away for a couple of days soon – something I had actually been really excited about, something I was really looking forwards to – but only now I’m not so sure.
I just want to hide away, run away, not face whatever else can be thrown at us over the next few months. I really, am just a little bit lost right now. So many conflicting emotions. The responsibility I feel for his poor choices. It’s horrible.
Nobody, and I mean nobody teaches how to handle this in the “parenting” handbook.